Honorable Queen:

As you well know, you have appointed me to the honorable position of a member of Lord Chamberlain’s investigative team, and I thank Your Highness greatly for giving me this wonderful opportunity to serve Your Highness and my country. After hours upon hours of investigation of William Shakespeare’s life and how he stands morally, I have decided that Your Highness should not grant him Your Highness’s patronage and the money that would allow him to produce his plays and to write more. From investigating his life, I can now see that, although William’s writing is very good, he is not of strong enough moral character to have any of his plays supported by Your Highness or performed, or to continue writing them. I hope that I can persuade Your Highness so well that it is as if you investigated this matter yourself.

To begin with, William Shakespeare has trouble being the father and husband he should be. When he decided to get married, he first took a license out to marry Anne Whateley. The very next day, he took out a license to marry Anne Hathaway, a woman who he had gotten pregnant three months earlier, probably at the same time he was dating Anne Whateley. I know in our society it is all right for a man to love more than one woman, but if you actually think about it, this is unfair to both/all of the women he loves. Put yourself in the position of either woman: William Shakespeare loves both you AND the other woman. You wouldn’t feel as special or as loved because he not only loves you, but also another woman. This is probably how both women William Shakespeare loved felt when they found out that they weren’t the only one he loved. In the end, William married Anne Hathaway.

Another way William Shakespeare insulted his wife was by leaving her to raise the family while he was in London for 10 years working on his writing career. He never wrote her, never sent her money, and he never visited her, not even when his son died. While he was in London, William Shakespeare wrote over 150 sonnets, many of which were about love. An inside source of mine has informed me that William Shakespeare wrote many of his sonnets about or to a mistress he called the “Dark Young Lady.” He was really being unfair to his wife by spending time with a mistress. In Sonnet 57, William Shakespeare says “Being your slave…,” and he goes on to talk about how he spends time with the lady he’s writing it to (obviously not his wife because, like I stated before, he never contacted his wife while in London). Shakespeare spends a lot of his free time (he doesn’t have much) with this woman, and yet he doesn’t spend ANY time at all with his wife, the person he should be spending time with. If he had actually cared about his wife and kids, he would have moved them to London or at least visited them once in a while. If William has this much trouble caring about his wife and kids, something much, much more important than a career, how can Your Highness trust him to continue caring about his writing and doing his work well for Your Highness?

On a similar note, as you may have noticed from the information I’ve presented to you, William Shakespeare has trouble keeping with his word. By taking out a license to marry Anne Whateley, he was committing to marry her, but, in the end, he ended up marrying a different woman. After picking a woman to marry (Anne Hathaway), William Shakespeare left for 10 years without contacting her in any way, shape, or form. When people get married, they promise to stay together – they become “one flesh.” By leaving, William Shakespeare isn’t being true to his word, and he is going against our ideas of how marriage works. More importantly, he is going against God’s plan for marriage.

Another problem William Shakespeare has is with using people. The “Dark Young Lady” I mentioned previously is probably one person he has used. My inside sources have informed me that she is both a noblewoman and a supporter of the theater. It is very likely and probable that he has been using this woman not only for “fun”, but also for help getting known as a writer and getting his writing more well known. Another person William Shakespeare has used is his wife. He married her, had kids, and then he left her; he was just using her to have kids. Since William Shakespeare has problems with using people, there’s no guarantee that he’ll use the money Your Highness may give him for its intended purpose.

Although there is lots of evidence that William Shakespeare is not of strong enough moral character to receive Your Highness’s patronage, some people may still believe that William Shakespeare is of strong enough moral character for various reasons, but that is not true at all. Some people may say that the quality of William’s work is more important than his moral character, or that the quality of it outweighs his horrible moral character, but it is never right to do something wrong. No matter how good his work is, it will never balance out with his moral character. Also, William Shakespeare’s immoral behavior will most likely come out in his plays and other works of writing. In Sonnet 138, Shakespeare writes, “Therefore I like with her and she with me…,” admitting to his immoral behavior – he’s sleeping with a woman who is not his wife. By supporting this kind of writing, Your Highness would be teaching the people of Your Highness’s country that it is all right to be immoral. I do not think this is what Your Highness wants to teach or imply at all.

Still others may say that William Shakespeare is a great man and looks out for the best interests of others, but the opposite is true. These people may say that William Shakespeare was looking out for Anne Hathaway’s best interests by marrying her, but if you investigate this matter further, you will find out that he was being selfish. He didn’t want anyone to find out that he had gotten a woman, who was not the one he was planning to marry, pregnant. Also, It is very possible that William did not want his parents to find out what he had done, so he covered it up by marrying the pregnant girl rather than the one he had wanted to at first.

Furthermore, as I’ve pointed out many times, William just left his wife, without contacting her, for 10 years. I do not see how it would be possible to consider this looking out for the best interests of others; Anne had to borrow over 40 shillings to keep up the home while he was gone. If he were the type of man that looks out for the best interests of others, he would have sent some money back home to support his family, or maybe even moved them to London, where he could play the part of father to his kids and husband to his wife.

No person is perfect, but there are people with much stronger moral character than William Shakespeare out there, and a few of them are good writers. Although these people may be not quite as good at writing as William Shakespeare, their strong moral character easily makes up for this loss. Your Highness, please consider the information I’ve presented, but if Your Highness still decides to support William Shakespeare, please take into consideration the possible and likely consequences of this decision. I thank Your Highness greatly for giving me the honor of serving my country.

Sincerely,

Erich Musick